i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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