Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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