dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize