So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
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Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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