Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize