Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
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This is my gift to your gina
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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