the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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