mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize