No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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