Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
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Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
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When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize