I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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