I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
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My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
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Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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