his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
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he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
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Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize