im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
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But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
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I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize