I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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