She said her name was "party"
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
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He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
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