I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize