I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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