What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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