How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Randomize