turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
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My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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