When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize