I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize