im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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