so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize