I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
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Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
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St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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