yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
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I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
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Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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