I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
My ass is underappreciated
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize