WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone came in the potted fern
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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