I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She bit a glass in half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
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