You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
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She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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