I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
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He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
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My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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