im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Dicks are not precious.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize