In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
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Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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