Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Having a random hookup so left but love u
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize