so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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