I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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