So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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