Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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