I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize