Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
That accounts for only three of the penises
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize