So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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