I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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