Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
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Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
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We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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