It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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