Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
do herpes really smell.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
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