oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
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After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
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I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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