I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
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I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
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I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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