Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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