I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
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Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
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Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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